Reflecting on the early appearance of many of the annuals, Hood enquires
whether there is not 'something approaching to cruelty to animals' in hauling
'Time' along by his forelock 'until he breaks his shins over his own calendar,
or knocks his head against one of his own date trees?' (vi). Hood does not
affect 'these unseasonable forestallings'; he is 'content with things as they
naturally ripen, without forcing', and his gardener 'who inclines to otium
cum dig [leisure with dignity]—is of the same opinion; forcing
time is quite out of the question' (ix–x). The illustration
captioned 'Otium cum dig—' (facing x) depicts a vacant-looking gardener
leaning on his spade smoking a pipe with a tankard by his feet, while a snail
ascends the shaft of his spade, and the garden appears in disarray. 'What
rational man', Hood asks, 'would give a dump for a chronometer "warranted
fast?"'. He thinks it would be no use putting a clock forwards, 'feeling that
Sol, who drives the Old Regulator [the name of a make of coach], knows his
daily pace too well to be deceived'. (x)
Provides various accounts of the fire at the
Houses of
ParliamentHouses of Parliament
CloseView the register entry >>, ranging from putative newspaper reports to private
correspondence. A report purporting to come from the Britannic Guardian
refers the fire to incendiarism, and makes oblique reference to Mount Vesuvius,
claiming: 'We stand hourly on the brink of a crater: every step we take is on a
solfaterra— [...] a frail crust, with a treacherous subsoil of ardent
brimstone!' (2–3). A report of the fire signed 'X.Y.Z.' gives the
information that 'Mr.
RicardoRicardo, David
(1772–1823)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >> saved an old tattered flag, which he thought was "the
standard of value"' (9). The narrator of a report signed 'SENEX' is a 'warm
enthusiast on the subject of ignition', on whom the news of the fire had 'an
electrical effect' (12). He has had 'a sort of observatory' erected on the roof
of his house from which he hopes to discover any fires in the metropolis (13).
Senex regrets that, as a result of 'gas, and new police, steam, and one cause
or other', fires are not what they used to be; they have become 'what one might
call slow explosions' (15). He describes the sparks of the fire as 'falling
like flakes of snow— [...] the red snow formerly discovered by
Captain RossRoss, Sir John
(1777–1856)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >>' (17). An
unsigned 'Letter to a Labouring Man' (24–27) deprecates claims that the
British constitution will be affected by the fire, observing that the
correspondent is a British subject, and that his own constitution is
unaffected. The illustration captioned 'Our Constitution's Gone!' (facing 25)
depicts an ample, seated woman throwing her arms in the air, while a burning
building is visible through the window. The private letter to 'Mary Price,
Fenny Hall, Lincolnshire' includes the advice: 'In case of yure pettycots
catchin don't forgit standin on yure hed, as recommended by the
Human
SocietyRoyal Humane Society
CloseView the register entry >>, becoz fire burns uppards, but its a posishun as requiers
practice' (33). The illustration captioned 'A Refined Woman' (facing 34)
depicts a heavily built woman whose shape is that of a sugar loaf. The
illustration captioned 'An Adder Up' (40) depicts a snake standing vertically
on a stool. The letter from 'Jacob Jubb M.P.' to his bailiff approves the
vulcanist metaphor of the Britannic Guardian (41), opining: 'I have not
the least doubt, if properly traced, the burning cliff at Weymouth would be
found to be connected with Incendiarism, and the Earthquakes at Chichester with
our political convulsions' (47–48).
A carriage apparently bearing the trademark 'Chronometer' is repeatedly
stopped by one of its occupants, and is described as 'losing at the rate of ten
miles in the hour' (87). The illustration captioned 'An Old One, but Good with
Both Hands in the Ring' (facing 93) depicts a winged figure (possibly Mercury)
whose hinged arms form the hands of a clock, the ring-like dial of which
surrounds him; he is stripped to the waist, and his fists are in pugilistic
pose.
[2] The Run-Over
Subjects:
Accidents, Medical Treatment, Quackery, Pharmaceuticals
A coachman describes to his passengers the astonishing survival of various
individuals in coach accidents. In one case a man, who had a 'gig-shaft [...]
driv right through his body', leaving a 'regular tunnel through him', recovered
after treatment by 'Dr. Maiden of Stratford', who 'giv him lots of physic to
provoke his stomach, and make him eat hearty: and [...] in course of time he
filled up' (95–97). The coachman declares: 'I don't know the philosophy
of it [...] but it's a remark of mine about recovering, if a man says he will,
he will,—and if he says he won't, he won't—you may book that for
certain' (97). When those on the coach witness a man run over by a waggon, they
look for a doctor. A 'squat vulgar-looking personage' claims to be a medical
man, since he sells 'Morison's pills'; his wares are held in low esteem by
fellow passengers (104).
[3] The Discovery
Subjects:
Physiognomy
The narrator judges the feelings of the occupants of a coach 'according to
the rules of
LavaterLavater, Johann Kaspar
(1741–1801)
CBD CloseView the register entry >>'
(109).
The illustration 'James'sJames, Robert
(1703–76)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >> Powder' (facing 115) depicts a boy being
knocked over in an explosion, as his toy canon, a candle, and various bits of
debris are blown into the air.
Temperance, Medical Practitioners, Expertise, Biblical Authority,
Invertebrate Zoology, Human Species
Satirizes the general object of, and selected passages from, the Report
of the Select Committee on Inquiry into Drunkenness. Responding to the
medical opinion that the habit of drunkenness was often the result of
over-stimulation caused by the 'forcing system', Hood enquires why the
doctor was not also asked about 'forcing-pumps' (139). Quotes the
evidence of
John R FarreFarre, John Richard
(1775–1862)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >> that
vegetable food was appointed for the human species in Genesis, 'when the
restorative power of man was complete', as it still is in the polypus. He then
enquires whether he would not be considered 'Farre gone' if he expounded
a belief that pre-lapsarian man was 'a polypus' who 'made other men when he was
hash'd or minc'd'. (140)
The name of 'H******l' (i.e.
John F W
HerschelHerschel, Sir John Frederick William
(1792–1871)
DSB
ODNB CloseView the register entry >>) is often and very justly cited amongst professors of
astronomy, as he is 'hand in glove / With ev'ry bright intelligence above', and
so often watches the stars that 'once upon a time he got be-knighted' (162).
The poem describes his observation of a new comet. He is imagined in his
observatory 'coquetting / With Venus', 'flirting with the winking stars',
'Acting the spy', and behaving as a peeping Tom, 'ogling thro' his glass / Some
heavenly lass'. The discovery of the comet causes him to exclaim: '"My
stars!"—he always puts that stress on my— / "My stars
and garters!"' [the reference is to the insignia of his knighthood]. Herschel
wishes the comet had been predicted: 'he ought / To have been caught / With
scientific salt upon his tail!' [an allusion to the jocular advice given to
children to catch birds by placing salt on their tails]. (163) Herschel is
described as 'Heaven's Grand Inquisitor'. He is interrupted by his serving-man,
telling him it is supper time, but expostulates that he cannot come since he is
'supping with the heavenly bodies', which the servant misconstrues (164).
Herschel's protestation that he is 'engaged with a celestial stranger' leads
the servant to suggest the stranger might need feeding, but Herschel points out
that 'He wants no meat or drink, / And one may doubt quite reasonably whether
He has a mouth, / Seeing his head and tail are joined together' (165). Shown
the comet, the servant, 'full of
VauxhallRoyal Gardens, Vauxhall CloseView the register entry >> reminiscences, cries, "A
rare good rocket!"'. Herschel explains that the comet 'With fear of change
[...] / Perplexes sovereigns', but the servant is heedless, since he has no
sovereigns. (166) The illustration captioned 'Posse Cometatis' (facing 164)
depicts a startled man in night-cap and dressing gown standing on his roof, and
dropping his telescope, as the sky lights up with shooting stars. The
illustration captioned 'The Harvest Moon' (166) depicts a crescent moon with a
handle attached, so as to form a sickle.
The plaint of a learned pig now being fatted up for eating: 'Old Mullins
used to cultivate / My learning like a gard'ner; / But Giblett only thinks of
lard, / and not of
Doctor
LardnerLardner, Dionysius
(1793–1859)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >>' (177). The illustration captioned 'A Stuffed Bird' (facing
176) depicts a fat baby being fed by its mother; its clothes, plump breast, and
short, forward-facing feet give it the appearance of a bird.