The introduction states that unthinking persons make ludicrous estimates of
the powers of authors: 'Thus, when a gentleman has once written a Book, say, on
Domestic Medicine, it is popularly supposed that he is competent to compose a
work on any subject whatever, from Transcendental Philosophy down to Five
Minutes' Advice on the Teeth' (1). The letters relate the inadequacies of the
school attended by Robert Carnaby. Carnaby's naval uncle reports the results of
his inspection of the school in a letter to the boy's father. He records that
on asking the boy what the variation of the compass was, he received the reply:
'Why, it's one leg shorter than t'other' (37). To the question 'what's
metaphysics?' the boy replied 'Brimstone and Treacle'; the uncle observes
'there's no more physic in metaphysics than a baby might take in its pap'.
When, to the question 'What's religion?' the boy returned the answer 'The colic
[collect] on Sundays', the schoolmaster 'looked as pleased as if he had found
the longitude'. (38) The uncle reports that when showing him the kitchen
garden, the schoolmaster announced that he encouraged his pupils in 'perusing
the book of Nature'. The uncle approved, but on asking his nephew what natural
philosophy was, he received the reply '"Keeping rabbits" [...] which sounds
likely enough, but it's not the thing by sixty degrees'. (39) In desperation,
the schoolmaster asked the boy 'What is Algebra,—Al—gebra?' only to
be told 'its a wild donkey all over stripes' (40), and on asking him to
describe a triangle was told 'it's the thing that tingle-tangles to the big
drum' (41). The uncle examined the gentlemen ushers: 'One told me that Guy Fox
found out gunpowder; and another that a solar eclipse was along of the sun's
standing in its own light' (43). The illustration 'Recrimination' (45) depicts
two men, one black and the other wearing worn-out clothes, carrying advertising
placards on poles and cocking a snook at each other; the black man's placard
reads 'Try Warren', the ill-dressed man's placard reads 'Ask for the Bleaching
Fluid'.
A poem addressed to
Izaak WaltonWalton, Izaak
(1593–1683)
DSB CloseView the register entry >> is
written as if by Jane Elizabeth Stuckey, and bemoans the ill consequences of
his
Compleat AnglerWalton, Isaak
1653. The Compleat Angler; or, The Contemplative Man's Recreation. Being a
Discourse of Fish and Fishing, Not Unworthy the Perusal of Most Anglers
[...] London: Richard Marriot
CloseView the register entry >> on her son. She
complains: 'I thought he were took with the Morbus one day, I did with his
nasty angle! / For "oh dear," says he, and burst out in a cry, "oh my gut is
all got of a tangle!"' (47). The poet has quarrelled with her cook: '"How dare
you," says I, "for to stench the whole house by keeping that stinking liver?" /
'Twas enough to breed a fever, it was! they smelt it next door at the Bagots',
/ But it wasn't breeding no fever—not it! 'twas my son a-breeding of
maggots!' (48).
The illustration captioned 'He's A-going to Take a Tower' (facing 54)
depicts a yokel with a pitchfork in hand looking at an elephant in hat and
cape, with a tree trunk grasped in its trunk, behind which rises a crenellated
tower. The illustration captioned 'Deep Distress Produced by Machinery' (facing
58) depicts a male bather clinging to the top of a bathing machine, which is
being tossed on a violent sea, while a woman and two children hail him from the
harbour wall. The illustration captioned 'Charming Spots about this Part of the
River' (facing 61) depicts a fashionable gentleman standing near the funnel of
a steamship, being covered by spots of soot.
The poem recounts the exploits of Tom Simpson, who became very drunk one
Christmas Eve, coming home in the morning to find his face 'as green as grass'.
The possible ill-effects of alcohol on health are detailed. Tom's landlady,
thinking he has been in a fight, boasts her knowledge of injuries and their
proper medical treatment. The surgeon arrives and after examining him asks
ludicrous questions about what he has eaten: 'Had he eaten grass, / Or greens'?
(71). He is baffled: 'Cases of other colours came in crowds, / He could have
found their remedy, and soon; / But green—it sent him up among the
clouds, / As if he had gone up with
Green'sGreen, Charles
(1785–1870)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >> balloon!'
(72). The illustration captioned 'A Very High Fever' (facing 73) depicts an ill
man lying on an extremely high four-poster bed as a diminutive surgeon reaches
up on his toes to take his pulse. News spreads abroad of the 'modern miracle'
(73). '"Green faces!" so they all began to comment— / "Yes—opposite
to Druggists' lighted shops, / But that's a flying colour—never
stops— / A bottle-green that's vanish'd in a moment"' (74). It finally
transpires that Simpson got his green face from 'sleeping in the kennel near
the Dyer's' (75).
Patronage, Industrial Chemistry, Accidents, Mental Illness, Narcotics,
Medical Treatment
Hood introduces a spoof letter from Lucy Emily Dexter to 'the Right
Honourable Lord Viscount ****, &c. &c. &c. Whitehall', with the
observation that the letter's authenticity will probably be disputed on account
of its description of 'the superannuation of sucklings' (76). Hood observes
that he can, in any case, vouch that 'the measures taken by Patrons' have not
led invariably, 'like Stultz's [a reference to a Bond Street firm of tailors],
to admirable fits' (77). The letter details Dexter's husband's history, from
the promise of a sinecure made to him as an infant by a noble relative, to his
appointment as 'Superintendant of Powder-Mills, with the condition of a living
attached to the works' (80). The letter details the nervous affliction from
which he has suffered since the day after taking possession, when there was a
'blow' at the works. He was prescribed laudanum and brandy. 'The mad Doctors do
say, that we are all, every one of us, crazy on a certain subject; and if such
is the case, there can be no doubt that my husband's weak point is explosions'
(83). He is worried about the 'Young Gentlemen' at the neighbouring school
sending up 'fire-balloons' (87). Thunder-storms make him particularly uneasy:
'it is the misfortune of Mr. D. not to put faith in conductors, or, to use his
own words, "in
FranklinFranklin, Benjamin
(1706–90)
DSB CloseView the register entry >>,
philosophy, and fiddle-sticks,—and a birch rod as likely to frighten away
lightening as an iron one"' (88–89).
Animal Magnetism, Mesmerism, Charlatanry, Homeopathy, Phrenology,
Morality, Scientific Practitioners, Medical Practitioners, Cultural Geography,
Narcotics, Geology, Fieldwork, Temperance, Animal Husbandry, Magnetism, Medical
Treatment, Veterinary Science
The illustration captioned 'Animal Magnetism' (97) depicts a cat sitting
with its tongue out underneath a bird's nest in a tree, as all the hatchlings
fly down towards its mouth. The illustration captioned 'The Family Seat'
(facing 97) depicts a cat attached by its claws to the seat of a gentleman's
breeches while the man's horrified wife looks on from behind a fan; he has
evidently attempted to sit on a chair occupied by the cat and its kittens,
which are now falling to the floor as the chair overturns. The article is
headed with a spoof quotation from the Sporting Intelligence: 'Charlatan
is rising in public favour, and has many backers who book him to
win' (97). The introduction begins: 'Of all the signs of the
times—considering them literally as signs, and the public
literally as "a public"—there are none more remarkable than the
Hahnemann'sHahnemann, Christian Friedrich Samuel
(1755–1843)
DSB CloseView the register entry >> Head,—the Crown and
Compasses, devoted to
GallGall, Franz Joseph
(1758–1828)
DSB CloseView the register entry >> and
Spurzheim'sSpurzheim, Johann Christoph
(1776–1832)
DSB CloseView the register entry >> entire,—and the Cock and
Bull, that hangs out at the House of Call for Animal Magnetizers'
(97–98). It is astonishing that the Cock and Bull—'a daring,
glaring, flaring, gin-palace-like establishment' dispensing 'a raw, heady, very
unrectified article'—gains respectable custom. Yet 'scientific men, and
even physicians, in good practice in all other respects, have notoriously
frequented the bar, from which they have issued again, walking all sorts of
ways at once, or more frequently falling asleep on the steps, but still talking
such "rambling skimble-skamble stuff" as would naturally be suggested by the
incoherent visions of a drunken man'. (98) Such occurrences are far more common
in Paris than in London: Hood cites a recent instance there involving
seventy-eight 'medical men'. However, 'it is not improbable that we may yet see
a meeting of the
College of PhysiciansRoyal College of Physicians
CloseView the register entry >> rendered
very how-come-you-so indeed by an excess of
Mesmer'sMesmer, Franz Anton
(1734–1815)
DSB CloseView the register entry >>
particular', and the example would have a 'powerful influence' in spreading the
'pernicious narcotic' to all classes, robbing them of their common senses. (99)
The illustration captioned 'I was Told I Should Find Here Some Trap Rocks!'
(facing 99) depicts a stern-looking gentleman with a geological hammer staring
at a kneeling man who has just removed a pigeon (evidently a rock pigeon) from
a wicker trap; a figure with a gun stands in the background. Hood suggests that
the temperance societies might attack 'mental dram-drinking' as well (100).
Hood introduces some letters as 'materials to be worked up into Tracts'
(101). Reuben Oxenham, a Lincolnshire grazier, wishes to know about animal
magnetism, as it might be useful in animal husbandry. He writes to his nephew
Robert Holland, a London linen-draper, who investigates and sends an account.
Holland recalls the appearance of true magnets to his uncle's mind: 'little
bone boxes, at sixpence a piece, with a blackamoor's head atop, and a little
bar of philosopher's steel inside, that points out the north, and sets a needle
dancing like mad' (103). He explains that animal magnetism 'is all of a piece
with juggling, quack-salving, and mountebanking, such as universal physic'. He
describes making a visit to the rooms of an 'outlandish count' who has 'set up
in it in the west end' (the reference is to the leading mesmerist
Jules
Dupotet de SennevoyDupotet de Sennevoy, Jules, Baron
(1796–1881)
DBF CloseView the register entry >> (Winter 1998, pp.
42–46, p. 359Winter, Alison 1998. Mesmerized: Powers of Mind in
Victorian Britain, Chicago: University of Chicago Press
CloseView the register entry >>)). (104) Holland also gives a lengthy account of the
mesmeric state and actions of the subject, 'Mizz Charlot Ann Elizabet Martin'
(106). The illustration captioned 'Sleeping Draughts' (facing 108) depicts a
man (a surgeon's assistant?) with a basket full of medicine bottles asleep
against a bank; a fierce-looking man (the surgeon?) stands over him with his
whip held high, while his horse snorts, and his dog growls. In conclusion,
Holland suggests possible punishments for the mesmerists, whom he suspects are
acting deceitfully. A postscript gives the comical advice of a veterinary
surgeon, who considers that animal magnetism 'is all very well for the old men
and women Physicians, but won't go down with the Horse Doctors' (110). The
illustration captioned 'Somnambulism' (111) depicts the rear view of a man in
his nightcap and nightgown, with a snuffed candle in his hand and a paper
marked 'Stop and read' strapped facing his back; Punch (wearing a nightcap)
stands asleep, resting on a club, with his hunchback turned towards the
paper.
Comic Annual, 9 (1838), 117–29.
Review. The Rambles of Piscator. By Sylvanus Suburban. Fisher.
London. 1837
The illustration captioned 'Shareholders of the
Thames TunnelThames Tunnel
CloseView the register entry >>,
A.D. 1938' (facing 122) depicts a flooded tunnel, with a group of fish meeting
in a circle; below them lie two jumbled human skeletons.
The poem complains about the long hours spent by married men at their clubs.
Husbands may suggest that their neglected wives subscribe to a circulating
library: 'They'd better recommend at once / Philosophy and tubs,— / A
woman need not be a dunce / To feel the wrong of Clubs' (132). The illustration
captioned 'A Circulating Library' (facing 132) depicts a man attempting to keep
books down on a street stall, while the wind blows them up in the air. The
narrator's daughters are determined not to marry men who frequent clubs. 'They
say, "without the marriage ties, / They can devote their hours / To
catechize, or botanize— / Shells, Sunday Schools, and flow'rs'— /
[...] As Wives do since the Clubs"' (133).
In the introduction the narrator describes encountering in Deptford 'an old,
whimsical, frost-bitten Tar', a 'North-Poler' called Drury, with whom he has 'a
slight
Somerset HouseSomerset House
CloseView the register entry >> acquaintance'
(135). They discuss the 'late Arctic Expedition', recently returned. The sailor
believes that it and all such expeditions have been 'trying to find what's not
to be found'; his opinion is based on 'scripture larnings, which is worth all
other larning ten times over, not excepting navigation'. (136) He considers
that 'Natur would never act so agin nature, as stick a sea where there was no
early use for it', and argues that 'there never was no sea at all in them high
latitudes, afore the Great Flood' (137). He claims that the Arctic Sea 'was
named arter the Ark, by Noah, when he diskivered it in his first voyage. That's
Philosophy!' (137–38). The 'Scholards' are convinced there is a pole, and
Drury has 'even heard say, there be Scholards as look for a wooden needle
there, acccordin' to magnetism', but he believes that 'if ever there was sich a
pole, there, or thereabouts, why then—old Admiral Noah carried it away
with him for a pole to stir up "his wild beasts!" (138–39). The
illustration captioned 'You're Quite Safe—He Can't Wag His Tail!' (facing
139) depicts a man firmly holding a lion's tail through the bars of a cage; he
has not seen, however, that his colleague, who has entered the cage, has his
head in the lion's mouth. Drury nevertheless has a high opinion of the conduct
of the latest expedition. He sings 'The Old Poler's Warning' (142–46),
which cautions sailors about the change in a person's sense of temperature that
results from spending time in the Arctic, such that temperate climes thereafter
feel tropical.
Acknowledging that it is 'always dangerous [...] for a mere theorist to
offer suggestions to practical men', Hood observes that he has not 'the usual
qualification of a horticulturalist—a plant bearing his patronymic'
(147). He nevertheless brings forward 'a few plain rules, founded on personal
observation and study, and directed to points hitherto not touched upon, from
the voluminous encyclopedias down to the dwarf works on Botany' (148). His
observations are intended for those amateurs in London and the suburbs without
gardens, especially women, who wish to grow their own flowers. 'The technical
terms, as well as the phrases marked as quotations, are borrowed from the only
herbaceous volume in my library,—"Paxton's
Magazine of Botany"Paxton's Magazine of Botany
(1834–49)
Gardener's Magazine of Botany Horticulture, Floriculture, and
Natural Science
(1850–51)
Garden Companion, and Florists' Guide
(1852)
Waterloo
Directory CloseView the register entry >>' (149). The illustration captioned
'Botanizing—A Bog Plant' (facing 139) depicts a bearded and bespectacled
gentleman up to his waist in a bog, but holding aloft a flower which he has
picked. The rules are all comic. The first, 'To produce a "Blow" from Plants at
any Season of the Year' (149), gives directions for putting them out in the
wind. The second, 'To destroy Vermin in the most effectual Manner', suggests
throwing slugs, snails, earwigs 'and other nasty insects' into the street so
that they land on the clothes or receptacles of passers-by and are 'carried
off' to distant houses of various sorts, 'so as to provide against the insects
returning' (151–53). The third, 'To water Plants so that none of the
Moisture may be wasted or lost', argues that watering should be done in such a
way as 'to bestow the excess of fluid on proper objects' (153). The
illustration captioned 'Pour Mary Anne' (facing 153) depicts a distracted woman
attempting to water her pot plants on the windowsill; the water is falling
instead on the foliage decorating the bonnet of a young woman, who is walking
beneath the window with a small boy. The illustration captioned 'Pot-Luck'
(156) depicts a man wearing an apron and carrying two tankards of beer, which
are being spilt since he has a large plant-pot upturned on his head; a further
potted plant and broken pieces of plant-pot are falling to the ground around
him.
Three short stanzas record the poet's reluctant anticipation of his cold
shower. The illustration 'Operation for the Cataract' (158) depicts a man with
a stony countenance and eyes closed, standing underneath a shower bath, with
his hand on the chain.
The poem recounts the predicament of two dogs: Dash, whose master cannot
shoot any game, and Don, whose master shoots not only game, but all manner of
other animals and people. Dash claims of his master: 'The great Balloon that
paid the visit / Across the water, he would miss it!' (167). When hunting, his
master 'goes in gaiters and in fustian, / Like
Captain RossRoss, Sir John
(1777–1856)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >>' (169).