The annual is making its fifth autumnal appearance 'like the annual
Woodcock'. Since last season Hood has plied his bill 'around the springs of the
Humorous and the Comic, which are, in the words of
BewickBewick,
Thomas and
Beilby, Ralph 1797–1804. A
History of British Birds, 2 vols, Newcastle: T. Bewick
CloseView the register entry >>, "oozing rills that are
rarely frozen"'. (v) Hood feels a 'sincere
Captain RossRoss, Sir John
(1777–1856)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >>-like
pleasure' in re-appearing before his friends, although he cannot expect 'quite
so pointed and fervent a welcome as a gentleman whose absence has kept all his
well-wishers sitting on magnetic pins and needles' (vi). As usual, Hood has
'endeavoured to conciliate the utilitarianism, by mingling a little instruction
with amusement, after the manner of the Library of Entertaining Knowledge'
(vii). As sole contributor, Hood has no acknowledgements to make but to
himself, and should thus make them in private 'after the fashion of the
eccentric
Doctor
MonseyMonsey, Messenger
(1694–1788)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >>, who, when he had taken his own advice for his own
indisposition, used to transfer the usual Physician's fee from his right hand
pocket to the left' (ix).
Tony, an Italian caught counterfeiting money, is sentenced to death. He asks
to be allowed the company of 'a little reptile, or insect of some sort that he
had brought over from Italy', a whim that is granted (4). The lord mayor and
sheriffs are anxious to 'attend very ceremoniously' to show Tony out of the
world; their coachmen and footmen are also 'all Malthusians' (11). Tony is
examined on points of faith, including whether the lions in Pilgrim's
Progress were bred 'at
Mr.
Wombwell'sWombwell's Menagerie
CloseView the register entry >> or
Mr.
Cross'sCross's Menagerie, King's Mews, Charing Cross CloseView the register entry >>, or at the
Tower of
LondonTower of London
CloseView the register entry >>' (11–12). The hour arrives for Tony to be
'ornithologised by sentence of the great Law Bird, genus Black-cap, into the
jail bird, genus Wryneck' (12). Large numbers of Londoners race to attend the
hanging. The
Royal Humane
SocietyRoyal Humane Society
CloseView the register entry >> and the
Society for Preventing Cruelty
to AnimalsSociety for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
CloseView the register entry >> are the first to arrive. The
Medical
SocietyMedical Society of London
CloseView the register entry >> also 'came to see one die by the New Dropsy' (13). At the
gallows, the hangman and the condemned man inexplicably begin dancing wildly.
Others join in, including 'three Phrenologists who were waiting to take a cast
of the skull' (21). Amidst all the dancing, Tony's pet creature is 'completely
atomised', so that even with a 'solar microscope' one would not be able to find
the slightest trace of 'A Tarantula' (23). The illustration captioned 'A
Tranatula' (23) depicts a dancing spider.
Comic Annual, 5 (1834), 24–26.
Sally Simpkin's Lament; or, John Jones's Kit-Cat-Astrophe
The sailor, John Jones, has been bitten in half by a shark. The illustration
captioned 'Sea-Consumption—Waisting Away' (facing 24) depicts a man
bitten in half. In answer to the question: 'How are ye?' from a sailor on a
nearby ship, the top half of the man replies: 'Very middling'. The illustration
captioned 'A Centre-Bit' (24) depicts an eel held in the middle by a heron.
Describes the thwarting of an attempted burglary by a servant who feigns
illness and dresses up a 'waxen puppet of Hygeia, the Goddess of Health' as a
child dead of plague (35). (The puppet had formerly been carried by the
Worshipful Company of Barber
SurgeonsWorshipful Company of Barber Surgeons
CloseView the register entry >> at their pageants, but, on falling into disuse, had been
purchased by the servant's mistress, Dame Ellinor Wood, as a toy for her
children.) The illustration captioned 'The Bills of Mortality' (facing 27)
depicts vultures tearing at a dead horse. The illustration captioned 'The
Common Lot' (facing 28) depicts a skeleton acting as auctioneer for a coffin,
while a group of gentlefolk look on.
The narrator is fascinated by the young lady who lives 'over the way'. He
muses: 'Cold as the pole she is to my adoring;— / Like
Captain LyonLyon, George Francis
(1795–1832)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >>, at
Repulse's Bay, / I meet an icy end to my exploring / Over the way!' (39).
Steam-power, Entomology, Cruelty, Human Species, Nomenclature,
Adulteration, Analytical Chemistry, Experiment, Universities, Botany, Medical
Practitioners, Medical Treatment, Quackery
Civis has gone to visit his friend Sylvanus at Camberwell, hoping to enjoy
some 'suburban verdure' (45), but is disappointed to discover that 'The trees
are all bare [...] as bare as the "otomies in
Surgeon's HallRoyal College of Surgeons
CloseView the register entry >>!"'. Winter has not,
as he fears, come early. Sylvanus explains: 'Boiling heat had more part than
freezing point in this havoc. To think that even summer now-a-days should go by
steam!'. (47) He reports that the trees were destroyed in one day by a swarm of
a new species of locust. He caught a specimen which he did not, however, 'pin
down to a cork after the manner of the entomologists' (48). The illustration
captioned 'A New Locust' (facing 48) depicts a boy pulling the leaves off a
tree; underneath a large jar bears the words 'British Leaf'. Sylvanus comments
that the 'visage was so strangely human' that he had not the heart to kill it.
He describes the species 'according to the system of the great
LinnæusLinnaeus (or von Linné), Carl
(1707–78)
DSB CloseView the register entry >>'.
(49) Sylvanus confesses that in fact the locust was a boy who was, 'in his own
heathenish jargon', doing 'a morning fake on the picking lay for a cove wot add
a tea-crib in the monkery'. Civis thinks the boy's language similar to that of
'Peter the Wild BoyPeter the Wild Boy
(c. 1712–1785)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >>'. (50)
Sylvanus explains that the leaves were being used in the adulteration of tea,
and reports rumours of resulting ill-health. 'Mr. Fairday, the notable chemist
[an allusion to
Michael
FaradayFaraday, Michael
(1791–1867)
DSB CloseView the register entry >>], hath sworn solemnly on his affidavit, that the tea is
strongly emetical, having always acted upon his stomach as tea and turn out'
(53). The illustration captioned 'A Great Projector' (facing 53) depicts a
corpulent man with a protruberant abdomen. The illustration captioned 'Sloe
Poison' (facing 54) depicts an ashen-looking woman taking tea out of a cup
which bears the skull and crossbones, and a teapot with a ghoulish face; her
teaspoon bears the letter 'T', as do the otherwise bare branches of the tree
outside the window. Civis thinks the tea 'ought to be tested by the doctors'.
Sylvanus reports that 'Dr. Budd, the Pennyroyal Professor of Botany hath ranked
it with the rankest of poisons, after experimenting its destructive virtues on
select tea parties of his relations and friends'. However, 'Dr. Rudd, of the
same Royal College' does not agree, confirming the proverb 'Doctors' opinions
do not keep step, or match together, better than their horses'. (53) Rudd 'hath
given this beverage with cream of tartar and sugar of lead to consumptives, and
hath satisfied himself morally and physically that phthisic does not begin with
tea' (53–54).
The poem purports to be addressed by the captain of a whaler to his lover,
complaining of the effects of the cold in the polar seas. The whaler exclaims:
'The Polar cold is sharp enough / To freeze with icy gloss / The genial current
of the sould / E'en in a "Man of Ross"' [the pun is apparently on the northern
county of Scotland and the polar explorer
John RossRoss, Sir John
(1777–1856)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >>] (61). The
illustration captioned 'Discovering the Pole' (facing 61) depicts a man being
struck from behind by the projecting pole by which two horses are pulling a
carriage. The sailor complains: 'For opodeldoc I would kneel, / My chilblains
to anoint; / O Kate, the needle of the north / Has got a freezing point'
(62).
The article appears under the quotation attributed to 'Captain RossRoss, Sir John
(1777–1856)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >>': 'I named this place
Boothia' (65). In the introduction, Hood reports that a friend had recommended
that he should make a fancy fair the subject of a comic sketch, suggesting:
'fancy Jolterhead at the fair of the
Surrey ZoologicalSurrey Literary, Scientific and Zoological Institution—Gardens
CloseView the register entry >>, forcing his
clumsy destructive course through groups of female fashionables [...] with the
equally laughable intention of inspecting long horns and short horns' (66).
Hood reports that he presented his friend instead with a purportedly
'bonâ fide letter' from Jacob Giles of Hampshire. The letter
(which is reproduced) complains of a London fancy fair that it had 'no
wumwills
menagerisWombwell's Menagerie
CloseView the register entry >>' (68).
The article is headed with an illustration captioned 'A Bill-Sticker' (72),
which depicts a man impaled by a bird's long sharp beak. The vignette is
followed by quotations putatively from 'SelbySelby, Prideaux John
(1788–1867)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >>' ('At certain seasons he makes a
prodigious clattering with his bill') and 'BewickBewick,
Thomas and
Beilby, Ralph 1797–1804. A
History of British Birds, 2 vols, Newcastle: T. Bewick
CloseView the register entry >>' ('The bill is rather
long, flat, and tinged with green'). The illustration captioned 'Fancy
Portrait—Sir Andrew with his Bill' (facing 72) depicts a man with a bill
instead of a nose. The poem bemoans the possible consequences of Agnew's
Sabbath Bill. According to Hood, Agnew would deny poor men, who had perhaps
spent the week 'weaving artificial flowers', from seeing 'Nature's kinder
bowers' on the sabbath, and 'Making the earth, the streams, the skies, the
trees, / A Chapel of Ease' (73–74). Instead he would wall them in with
'hard Scotch granite'. There may be 'Sermons in stones', but Hood fears Agnew
would 'have us work at them like paviours'. (74) The illustration captioned 'A
Black Dose' (78) depicts a bottle of medicine with a face superimposed to
suggest the black-clad figure of a puritanical clergyman.
A fox caught by a dog in the act of killing a hen is brought to trial before
a jury of twelve animals. Through the influence of a friendly camel he is
acquitted, since in the 'Silly Isles' the law is that the jury cannot eat or
drink while deliberating, and the camel with its three stomachs can outlast the
other animals. The moral of the tale is that it is foolish to make 'the full
stop of a Man's existence / Depend upon a Colon' (97).
The introduction looks forward to the time when the
Royal NavyRoyal Navy
CloseView the register entry >> will rely
on steam rather than wind-power. The illustration captioned 'Lawk! How the
Blacks are Falling' (facing 98) depicts a woman standing in front of a full
washing line gazing at black people falling from the sky. Hood suggests some
changes in naval terminology and practices that will follow from the
introduction of steam-power. First lieutenants will have to 'attend lectures on
the steam-engine'; midshipmen will need lessons 'as climbing boys in the art of
sweeping flues' (99). The illustration captioned 'All Up!' (facing 99) depicts
a chimney sweep appearing with brushes out of the top of a funnel, the ship
being obscured by mighty waves. 'Some sea
GurneyGurney, Sir Goldsworthy
(1793–1875)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >>
may get a seat at the
AdmiraltyAdmiralty
CloseView the register entry >> Board, and
then farewell, a long farewell, to the old ocean imagery; marine metaphor will
require a new figure-head' (99). Suggests that
Charles
Dibdin'sDibdin, Charles
(1745–1814)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >> 'Sea Songs' will require revision for future editions, and
provides some examples. One verse reads: 'Go patter to lubbers and swabs do you
see, / 'Bout danger, and fear, and the like; / But a
BoultonBoulton, Matthew
(1728–1809)
ODNB CloseView the register entry >> and WattWatt, James
(1736–1819)
DSB CloseView the register entry >> and good
Wall's-end give me; / And it an't to a little I'll strike.' Hood hopes
that 'the kettle, though a great vocalist, will never thus appropriate the old
Sea Songs of England' (101). Suggests, in the words of an old Greenwhich
pensioner, that '"Steaming and biling does very well for Urn Bay, and
the likes;" but the craft does not look regular and shipshape to the eye of a
tar who has sailed with Duncan, Howe, and Jarvis' (104). The illustration 'For
Cork' (104) depicts a steam-ship whose smoking funnel is in the shape of a
bottle.
A coachman refers to a time when coaches 'wasn't called by such names as
Chronometers and Regulators, and good reason why', since they were often late
(118).